“In one sense, the Buddhist concept of enlightenment really is just the epitome of “stress reduction”—and depending on how much stress one reduces, the results of one’s practice can seem more or less profound. According to the Buddhist teachings, human beings have a distorted view of reality that leads them to suffer unnecessarily. We grasp at transitory pleasures. We brood about the past and worry about the future. We continually seek to prop up and defend an egoic self that doesn’t exist. This is stressful—and spiritual life is a process of gradually unraveling our confusion and bringing this stress to an end. According to the Buddhist view, by seeing things as they are, we cease to suffer in the usual ways, and our minds can open to states of well-being that are intrinsic to the nature of consciousness.”—Sam Harris, Waking Up (via whyallcaps)
Today is the day you stop blaming the universe for your problems. The universe is not against you. That black sweater you used to look good in, your friend from college who is just more successful than you, the expensive thing you want and…
1) A boy telling you you’re pretty won’t make you see the beauty in the fullness of your cheeks, in redness of your lips at 2 in the morning when tequila is making the bar bathroom spin. He can’t take away the ugliness that you see in yourself, you have to do that.
2) You have to be ready to hear someone say they love you. You have to be ready, and you have to be willing, and you have to listen. Because sometimes, they won’t say those three words, they’ll put a blanket over you while you’re watching a movie, they’ll kiss your cheek when they think you’re asleep, they’ll smile when they see you first thing in the morning. But you, you have to be willing to see it, feel it, let it in. Letting someone love you takes practice.
3) Don’t make compromises you can’t live with. Compromise is a different version of what you want, not a whole other Universe.
4) Learn to say no. No - to a movie you don’t want to watch; no - to sex you don’t want to have, no- to a relationship that’s driving you mad. Say no - to things that hurt you, to people that extinguish your fire, to jobs you hate and places that are desolate. There are bad things that we can’t control, bad things that happen and we are sucked into and have to feel with every fibre of our being, but the rest - learn to distance yourself, learn to say no.
5) Don’t expect people to walk through fire for you - not your parents, not your friends, not the person you’re in love with. Love doesn’t mean sacrifice, love shouldn’t mean sacrifice. Don’t expect someone to give away pieces of them, so they could fit you better. And don’t feel hurt when they refuse to - it’s self-preservation. Instead - learn from them. Do it as well.
6) Don’t tether yourself to people. Learn to make connections, to love, with both your feet steady on the ground. Learn to let people pass through your life; like a summer breeze, not a storm that’s just been unleashed.
7) Learn the difference between growth and growing up before it’s too late. Rooftops and water fights and ice cream for breakfast can be a part of your life at 10, 25, or 35. But by the time you’re 35 you need to learn to say enough, to be able to walk away, you need to be able to love yourself. Love yourself the way you loved yourself at 10, before the world had a chance to fill your head with ugliness.
m.v., The list of things I learned before turning 22, pt.1. (pt.2)
“Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or a person who explained to us, that we were in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, spiritually, than we were before. Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant. But what is most unpleasant is the not knowing what is happening. Those long periods when something inside ourselves seems to be waiting, holding its breath, unsure about what the next step should be, eventually become the periods we wait for, for it is in those periods that we realize that we are being prepared for the next phase of our life and that, in all probability, a new level of the personality is about to be revealed.”—Alice Walker (Living By The Word)
“to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you’ve held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again.”—"The Thing Is," Ellen Bass (via commovente)
“This isn’t the real me, yet it is. There’s different versions of me, and they’re all the real me. And you know what? That kills me. It’s too confusing. I’m not one person. I’ve got a twenty-something body, eight-year old heart, eighteen-year old mind, and eighty-year old soul.”—All Cowboys Need Pretty Girls (via ohdreaming)
“Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worst, returned. But one thing about human beings that puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly inside.”—Sigmund Freud (via psych-facts)
“Stop apologizing to men for not wanting to sit with them, drink with them, dance with them, go home with them. You have not been put on this earth for their pleasure, their entertainment, to help them feel a little less lonely at night. If you do not want someone, are not interested in someone, don’t apologize. You do not have to be forgiven for the sake of someone else’s feelings. All you have to worry about is your own.
If you’re dating someone and they cheat on you with the girl sitting across them from the bar, or anyone for that matter, do not ask their name, why they did it, and if it was worth it. Just leave. Do not swear your revenge, or that you find the one who broke your relationship because the person who broke your trust is sitting right in front of you. The person who ruined what you had is the one who promised that they never would. Do not fixate yourself on what you should have or could have done, but what you will do, which is leave. You gave them a chance and now they can see it walk out the door.
You’re going to make mistakes and that’s inevitable, but what isn’t is making those same mistakes twice. You are supposed to learn from the pain, supposed to take it into your hands, hang it on your wall to remind yourself that you will never let it happen again. It’s hard stopping others from repeating their tragedies, but when it comes to your own, you are in control.
Love as many as you want. Kiss as many as you want. Fuck as many as you want. But when you do these things do it with all of you. Do it because you know it will show you something, help you with something, make sense of things. Never do a task that was assigned by someone else if you are not interested, not comfortable, unwilling. You can do anything you want to do as long as you know that there is only understanding and truth behind it. Never settle, never give in and never do anything that you don’t want to just because you feel bad.
Learn to say no. Learn to fight. Learn the difference between love and lust and learn to love yourself. If you love yourself, when you’re alone, you won’t need the presence of another just to make you feel at ease. You’ll have the power of healing in your very own body. You’re beautiful, remember that, write it down, scream it out loud and never forget. You have the entire world inside of your hands and the only thing you truly need to know to push through these trying times is that you can do anything. Now do it.”—"Tips for girls who are still growing up," - Colleen Brown (via larmoyante)